I did not watch the presidential debate which took place on national television tonight. Informative and insightful as it had the potential to be, I just could not bring myself to allow my attention to be ripped away from other important matters. Such as the fact that I find myself being more and more torn between continuing a freelance career and just doing what I think I’m good at and hoping someone foots the bill for it, or biting the bullet and continuing to apply for jobs that I lack the experience to be competitive in attaining. But none of this has anything to do with the fact that McCain/Palin and Obama/Biden went without my support tonight. Yes I could not bring myself to watch Obama attempt to reason with a political brute. McCain/Palin are political animals and they’re scared. In the next few weeks I’m sure we can expect to see them lash out in fright and terror in as many attacks as they can think of, all the time with that sense of smugness which comes from a life of always getting whatever it is you want. Some people will bring up the McCain POW experience to let me know that he has a sense of what it’s like to exist in adverse situations. Sure, and Governor Palin as well probably has some stories about… I don’t know getting attacked by wild moose or something. The fact of the matter is they really don’t know what it’s like to suffer unheroic, day to day, rambling, brutal, soulless, monotony, and hand-to-mouth subsistence which is the hallmark of the average American these days. Oh, “these days.” There I go sounding like an old man before my time. However, with the massive changes that our culture has gone through while I was growing up, I think I’m allowed a little use of the terms which have come to represent the cantankerous old man forced to live in a world he only read about in comic books, made real, by which I mean to say, made horribly boring by reality. People can now communicate at the speed of light from almost any point on the planet to any other point on the planet. Why then, is John McCain unable to run his campaign at the same time as he attends a vote in Washington, the first in a while for the venerable old maverick? No, this obvious failed attempt at a political grand stand play will be quickly forgotten. And so much the better. The last thing we need during an economic crisis is some jackass with a head full of bad wiring from being tampered with in some POW camp getting in there and patching things up just long enough to send another couple of thousand American men and women off to die in some god-forsaken patch of desert that happens to have some oil under it, and some unfriendly people on top of it.

Damn I need to clean this computer off. A “brand new” feel needs to be restored to the machine I have so derivatively named “Filthy Assistant.” The aptitude of the name, however, has just struck me. Maybe I’ll just spill some coffee on it and call it perfect. Of course this may not end up in the final so let’s get to the point.

The mainstream media gives me a gitchy feeling lately. Watching them recently I started out being thrilled, then content, and then strangely uneasy, then nervous, now I’m starting to feel down right scared. For eight years I have been watching coverage of the political battleground in this country. Particularly I’m talking about the networks; particularly CNN. CNN has been a muzzled hound for a long time. I have developed a sense of respect for their intelligence and journalistic instinct, however, it seemed like they knew about things long before they were able to actually report them. For instance, I’d see stories, and my now ex-girlfriend would see stories on fark.com days sometimes weeks and on a couple of occasions as much as a month before they would be carried by the so called mainstream media. Anything that could potentially be damaging to the Bush Administration in any material way was usually the stuff which seemed to be verboten. However, many other stories such as police violence, denial of basic rights, and the failure of the Bush Doctrine, the Department of Homeland Security, and the USAPATRIOT act to keep us “safe” from Islamic extremism also lagged noticeably. What DID get reported during these past eight years? Any time some Islamic immigrants did something other than pay a tax or buy gas it seemed like it was front and center in the news.

“Sure,” you’re saying, “The networks are owned by large corporations who are involved in the manipulation of the presidency so of course they don’t want anything which hurts the credibility of the president to come out until absolutely necessary to keep up the appearance of the ‘liberal media’ and make sure they have a constant safety net of plausible deniability for anything that their own people are forced to report.” And I’d agree with you. That’s what scares me now.

As you may have been contentedly noticing, it seems like CNN has slipped its leash. Along with NBC and CBS, they seem to be reveling in the blood lust which has been denied them so long. They are tearing such succulent targets as McCain and Palin apart. Not to mention that it seems like they’ve been given free reign to destroy the president at every opportunity. Even the conservative pundits have lost that infuriating smugness which has for so long been plastered on their faces as they backpedal and bray about “gotcha journalism.” These people haven’t had to actually use that repertoire of tactics in a while and you can see they’re rusty.

Like I said, I was pretty pleased with this apparent turn of events at first. “Finally,” I said to myself, “Anderson Cooper and that cute assistant of his have lost it and are going to go out with a blaze of glory.” I expected their reportage on the outright lies of McCain and the panicked flubs of Sara Palin to be effective but short lived. Then NBC got into the fray. Brian Williams, though he lacks the exasperated, sardonic flair of Cooper, seemed genuinely concerned with a campaign that stretched the truth as much as McCain’s. Even though they still dance around actually making a call on it, they seem duty bound to report on it. So what could be bothering me? I already stated that for the past eight years the media has been so completely repressed from engaging in such investigative and biting reports I thought it had been an insurrection at first, but it continues. It has kept up. The occasional human interest piece on what it’s like to live in Wasilla or a tired old war story from McCain’s distant past are all the positive spin we’re getting from the republican camp. So… Who let the dogs off the leash and why? Why would a constituency of arch conservative CEOs of major media corporations suddenly allow their subordinates to OK the ravaging of the Republican Party? Have they legitimately realized that the republicans are no longer capable of serving their needs? Has the recent loss of so much of their accumulated wealth in the stock market caused them to panic and blame the repubs who allowed it? Are they showing them what it means to mishandle their money? Surely they realize that it’s their own fault at the end of the day. Surely they can’t be blaming the government for giving them too much latitude. Maybe so and maybe not. But my suspicious nature has gone even further than that.

It seems to me like there is the distinct possibility that the majordomos in charge of the mainstream media know full well the elated feeling that hearing some honesty produces for the literate American people. It’s whipped them into a frenzy howling with laughter at the clumsy attempts to muddle through interviews and horrible gaffs of Sara Palin and jeering with horrible delight at the nattering lies and sneering smears of McCain against Obama during the debate. DURRING the DEBATE! During which time, Obama, in an attempt to win over the conservative base that he feels he doesn’t have a handle on, continually agreed with McCain. And the General Public is STILL convinced that Obama won. That’s how good Obama’s grip has become on the base opinion of the public. So are we being distracted? Is there something else going on in the world at large that we shouldn’t know about? What are they planning? A fall is most devastating when it is from a great height. Watch out, Barrack. All I can think is that they’re planning something for the end of the season. A big season finale is coming which will be heralded by violence and blood. Keep your eyes on the Middle East and watch the skies. Be ready for it and maybe we can survive with our wits intact. Remember, “A Paranoid is just someone with all the facts.” ~Warren Ellis.

Someone told me that there was some sort of big hoopla political debate last night.  If they wanted ME to care they shouldn’t have scheduled it on the same night as Buckethead.

At the last second many people canceled their appointments with Buckethead.  They will live the rest of their lives in deep and hopeless regret.  I wound up going with a friend of my brother’s.  We had a little trouble finding the place but other than that the trip to Northern Lights was uneventful.

Northern Lights itself is a medium sized venue for shows of that kind.  There is lots of floor space and tables off to the back and around a corner to escape from the noise if you feel so inclined.  But, this was Buckethead.  I was determined to face this non stop, commercial free.

When we got there, the opening act, That One Guy, was already in full swing.  That One Guy was actually very entertaining.  Aptly named, he is a one man band with a large metal thing controlling a pair of strings not dissimilar to a washtub bass and some percussion actuators.  He also used some very simple vocal loops and percussion loops which he created on the spot to keep the music going.  All in all he was exactly the kind of opening act, and eventually, back up band which I would expect to see at a Buckethead show.  Talented, entertaining, and weird.  Extra props to his special guests the magic saw (first time I’ve ever seen ANYONE play musical saw on stage) and the magic boot.

He was finally done, though, and lots of people left the stage area to get drinks.  This was our cue to move up.  The press of people got more tightly packed and everything went dark as the canned music subsided.  You could feel the crowd thrum with excitement.

When Buckethead appeared it was pandemonium.  The crowd just erupted.  Buckethead calmly lurched on stage, all about six foot four of him (bucket included), and proceeded to talk to us with his guitar.  As I watched in wrapped fixation, the crowd seemed to drop away.

Suddenly I was in an ash strewn, volcanic landscape surrounded by twisted earth and razors of obsidian.  Chicken skulls littered the ground in a rough circle, their eye sockets glowing with an unearthly light.  In their center sat the guru of metal, Buckethead.  My eyes widened and my pulse quickened as his rock and roll teachings bombarded my soul with cosmic rays and infused the very core of my being with the energy of eldritch space waves which lit up my central nervous system and changed the color of my id.

It was a good show.

The mythos of Buckethead is almost as interesting as watching the show unfold.  At around the time he begins to march solemnly across the stage with a rubber chicken or simulate a quacking noise with a giant clothes pin, you realize that you’re not watching a normal musician.  Buckethead is completely hidden from view throughout the performance.  This is a very effective means of creating mystery and awe.  How do you know this is the real Buckethead and not some imposter?  The simple answer is because nobody else is that GOOD.  His shredding is epic and his jokes are bizarre.  Nobody could possibly copy the amazing level of mannerism he has worked into an act that lasts a very challenging two hours.  He’s on stage almost non stop, and attended by roadies who all wear surgical masks as if they don’t want to catch what he has, or as if they need to protect themselves from prolonged exposure to the radiation.  The back drop to the show consisted of a pair of amps crowned with busts of Caligula and Nero.  That was it.  That was all it needed.  Overall I was thrilled with the experience.  And I have been granted amazing powers.

These powers allow me to see into the very fabric of space and pull out any information which I so desire.  Therefore it was not necessary that I watch the pitiful debate.  I know the outcome already and I will tell it to you.  Sara Palin is a ridiculous farce of a human being who was debating against a career politician who frankly has no idea where he is most of the time.  The moderator tried fruitlessly to get someone to say something or at least fuck up badly enough to create a clear outcome, but alas, there was no clear winner except for “the American People.”  HA HA.  Not the ones who weren’t at the Buckethead show.